To Be Led Astray

I just got back from a Holy Week vacation in my mother's hometown. A 5-day hiatus in a place where Mother Nature envelops you completely, made it easier for me to rejuvenate and think a  whole lot about life. The usual musings came to mind, like: "How is the person I'm missing? Can he be missing me, too?" or "Can I survive 3rd year med school?" or "Shall I buy that thing that will benefit me but will have risks of its own, too?" And the list goes on and on. But what occupied a lot of my brain space came into mind while I was observing the hundreds of people doing the usual rituals of the season. While I saw how much their devotion was as they sang their hearts out to melodies about the Virgin or the passion of Christ, I began to ask myself, "Do all these people really know what they're doing? Or are they just doing all these because it's a tradition, something handed down by their forefathers?"

As this thought arrested my head, sudden gush of sadness came over me. I said to myself, "Poor, poor people. Nobody has ever told them the Good News of our Lord Jesus Christ. They have been taught doctrines, canons, rules, regulations but never really knew what the Bible is talking about. They have been led astray by men who think they are of God. A 30-minute talk is not enough when you want to share passionately about God's true message and yet, they spend it on a sermon that either talks about their personal lives, about some popular bill waiting to be passed or another sports icon like Manny Pacquiao."

What made me even sadder was the fact that I was just an audience to all the lies. Though I knew the truth and deep in my heart I was burning with desire to preach, I felt very much afraid. I was afraid of what my family will think of me; afraid that I might say the wrong words; afraid that they won't listen to me; afraid that I will be making a fool out of myself; and afraid to fight a tradition that has been there for how many generations.

As I stood there disappointed with myself for not being able to win souls for Christ, the chanting that they did brought me into some kind of trance. And in that moment I began to pray to Him and said, "Father God, I'm sorry for not being able to spread your word and your immense love for us this time. I do not have the courage yet, and I don't know if I will ever have that kind of courage at all. But Lord, I know that though I cannot make it on my own, with You I can be able to somehow touch lives and help lead them back to You. I do not know how I will be able to do this, but use me as You will."

And after that short prayer, I opened my eyes and felt relieved. Maybe today I wasn't saving souls but I will definitely do that one day...soon. First, I have to prepare myself so as to withstand the perilous and overwhelming battles that is to come for me. And use the gift of writing to articulate the things that I won't be able to speak out loud. With my little contribution, I hope to glorify Him and hopefully be in the New Jerusalem when He comes. Amen.